Dear Everyone on the Internet, 

You are using certain words too often, and you are frequently using them wrong. 

The overused and wrongly used word of the day is…

“Hipster” 

First, an appropriate definition of the word “hipster” as I’ve always known it:

A “hipster” is that asshole who is never happy and constantly complains that they “liked that band/writer/artist/restaurant/bar/tv show/fad/other cultural element before it was cool.” A “hipster” hangs on to old-fashioned things, not out of nostalgia or appreciation, but out of irony and aloof entitlement and/or a narcissistic belief that they understand something better than anyone else. 

The mode of dress identifying a hipster may change over the years (In my generation, it is marked by skinny jeans, which won’t last long because “normal” people are wearing them now.) But the mock-expertise, general sourness, and aversion to any trend not their own or something they love becoming a trend is what is universal and long-standing. 

THAT is a hipster. 

Being of someone’s own generation, time, or movement does not make one a hipster. Being trendy isn’t really being a hipster, if you abide by the definition above. Hipsters are rarely activists… unless they are feigning activism by some rant about an article they read that they don’t agree with and will probably forget about tomorrow. If you’re referring to people in any of these categories as “hipsters” you are probably doing it wrong. 

I seem to frequently hear baby boomers refer to any young people doing Some Thing They Can’t Stand as “hipsters.” Basically, any person under the age of 50 trying to do anything is suddenly a “hipster.” Not a hippie, or a techie, or a yuppie, or a starving artist, or a gamer, or a fan girl, or a biker, or a small business owner… all of these things and more are now being generically, sarcastically, angrily lumped into one big “hipster” category, sneered at down the noses of discontent gray-hairs in an unsettling manner that is nothing short of The Most Hipster Thing I Have Ever Witnessed In My Life. And the “hipsters” are ruining “everything” as they would have you believe.

I’m not a big fan of the separatist attitude of having to label other people to define one’s self. It’s destructive and divisive and diminishes individuals. People lumped into large categories are dull. It’s easy to begin loathing humanity when you lump people into generalized categories. It’s a slippery slope that can lead to the most jaded, snide attitude.

As individuals, people are dynamic. People are interesting. People are complicated. And more often than not, people are lovely. 

Can we vote to remove “hipster” from the common lexicon? I’d start a petition, but then someone might call me a hipster.

If we’re going to express distaste, let’s at least come up with some better words. How about something more novel, something Seuss-ian? I think “snarfdoodle” is a good start.